Care from afar
By MATT SEDENSKY The Associated Press January 29, 2012 10:42PM
Lynn Feinberg, a caregiver expert at AARP, works in her office on Thursday, Jan. 26, 2012 in Washington. As lifespans lengthen and the number of seniors rapidly grows, more Americans find themselves struggling to care for an ailing loved one from hundreds or thousands of miles away. Feinberg said the number of long-distance caregivers is likely to grow, particularly as a sagging economy has people taking whatever job they can get, wherever it is. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)
Caring for an aging parent or other relative can rank among the most stressful tasks a person can take on. But doing so from a distance makes it even more challenging.
Some tips for long-distance caregivers:
Keep in regular contact with your loved one and, if possible, use video chats so you can make visual assessments. Seniors often defy stereotypes with their handle on technology and can master useful tools like Skype or other video chatting services, such as on the iPad.
Find allies closer to the person you’re caring for: other relatives, neighbors or friends. Ask them for help when you need it and rely on them for on-site advice on how your loved one is doing.
Keep handy vital information such as prescriptions, a living will, phone lists of doctors and financial information.
Seek out the help of a geriatric care manager who can line up in-home services for your parent or other relative and assist in other caregiving tasks.
Utilize new technology to help monitor your loved one. There now are consumer products that can dispense pills, track sleep and bathroom activity and monitor blood pressure, all from afar.
Pay attention to subtle clues from your relative that might hint at underlying problems. Are they continuing to socialize? Paying their bills? Maintaining the house?
Take care of yourself, too. Make sure you get breaks when you need them and find an outlet for emotional support. If you’re not cared for, you won’t be able to take good care of your loved one either.
Sources: National Institutes of Health, AARP, interviews with caregivers. AP
Article Extras
Updated: March 1, 2012 8:17AM
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — Kristy Bryner worries her 80-year-old mom might slip and fall when she picks up the newspaper or that she’ll get in an accident when she drives to the grocery store. What if she has a medical emergency and no one’s there to help? What if, like her father, her mother slips into a fog of dementia?
Those questions would be hard enough if Bryner’s aging parent lived across town in Portland, Ore., but she is in Kent, Ohio. The stress of caregiving seems magnified by each of the more than 2,000 miles that separate them.
“I feel like I’m being split in half between coasts,” said Bryner, 54. “I wish I knew what to do, but I don’t.”
As lifespans lengthen and the number of seniors rapidly grows, more Americans find themselves in Bryner’s perilous position, struggling to care for an ailing loved one from hundreds or thousands of miles away.
The National Institute on Aging estimates around 7 million Americans are long-distance caregivers. Aside from economic factors that often drive people far from their hometowns, shifting demographics in the country could exacerbate the issue: Over the next four decades, the share of people 65 and older is expected to rapidly expand while the number of people under 20 will roughly hold steady. That means there will be a far smaller share of people between 20 and 64, the age group that most often is faced with caregiving.
“You just want to be in two places at once,” said Kay Branch, who lives in Anchorage, Alaska, but helps coordinate care for her parents in Lakeland, Fla., about 3,800 miles away.
There are no easy answers.
Bryner first became a long-distance caregiver when, more than a decade ago, her father began suffering from dementia, which consumed him until he died in 2010. She used to be able to count on help from her brother, who lived close to their parents, but he died of cancer a few years back. Her mother doesn’t want to leave the house she’s lived in for so long.
So Bryner talks daily with her mother via Skype, a video telephone service. She’s lucky to have a job that’s flexible enough that she’s able to visit for a couple of weeks every few months. But she fears what may happen when her mother is not as healthy as she is now.
“Someone needs to check on her, someone needs to look out for her,” she said. “And the only someone is me, and I don’t live there.”
Lynn Feinberg, a caregiving expert at AARP, said the number of long-distance caregivers is likely to grow, particularly as a sagging economy has people taking whatever job they can get, wherever it is. Though caregiving is a major stress on anyone, distance can often magnify it, Feinberg said, and presents particular difficulty when it must be balanced with an inflexible job.
“It’s a huge stress,” she said. “It can have enormous implications not only for someone’s quality of life, but also for someone’s job.”
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